With unthinkable haste, people discard those they love in the heat of anger. As if no links to their former life even exists. That once-great love suddenly becomes the enemy. Divorce.
It’s not a nice way to begin a post about love, but it is in truth. If we would look at the end before we start at the beginning, the illusion we might have about love might not blind us in the end. The one sign that says your love will last forever is as obvious as the simplest love quotes— to gaze into his eyes is her soul touching his.
It is my opinion that we do not know the value or power of love. In our world, our emotions are not confronted. We walk through life with baggage so heavy that we are too tired to notice how easy love could remove that weight. Thus the illusions we hold of fairy-tale love corrupt real love in our life.
So, I want to pose a question that might help us.
Love might be what brings us together, but it doesn’t keep us there. So, what does? Here’s a thought. Love is an emotion, and “loving” is an action.
Couples can be together for decades and not be in love. This type of marriage is not to be looked down upon, but it is kind of sadness where you’re stuck with someone for a lifetime, someone that will never truly feel that touch. It’s the difference between picnics on a cool, not-so-sunny day for the rest of your life, versus sunny warm ones with kites in the sky and clouds in eyes.
So, the couples that actually are in love— what do they do that others don’t? What I’ve noticed is rather subtle. Attention. There are long lists of what makes a marriage work, according to top professionals: it’s all about communication and mutual respect, laughing together, date nights, agreeing to disagree, trusting, time apart, focus on each other’s strength, retreats, seminars, groups, and so on. But in all fairness, this could apply to any business deal, a great friend, a coworker, boss, or social group you want to be a part of.
What separates real love? It’s the kind of attention that’s given, and how often it’s done. Watch someone in love, at age twenty or eighty, they give the kind of attention bulleted below and not just when it’s convenient. Not only on Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Anniversaries, but everyday.
- When they talk to each other, they actually look at each other— and not to joust or make fun as many couples do.
- They remember to ask a week later, “Hey, how did that work out with….?” but not from across the room without eye contact.
- They don’t watch television and ask, “how are you?” They pause it and look at you.
- When they argue they look at each other in the eyes, they grab each other’s face if need be to get the attention of that person, eye to eye.
- When they are laughing, they watch each other, and there’s always eye to eye between things.
- When they sit together on the marriage counseling couch, they touch each other and nod when they speak. And even if their partner doesn’t look at them while talking to the therapist, they are ready to give eye to eye approval or disapproval for whatever is being said.
- Where there is sadness, again, they want to see each other’s eyes.
- When they are apart, they don’t miss the sex, cooking, or even home comfort as much as they do their partners gaze. Something as simple as their eyes is what makes the sex, cooking, and comforts of home so real.
I knew a woman who loved her husband and was doing all the above, but he had a mental issue that was beyond his control— one that drove him to leave her and her child. She relocated with her son for employment, and for five years she did her best to raise their child to love the father. She did so by example continuing to honor the love she once had through the difficulties. However, the woman couldn’t speak with her ex on the phone. It scared her. She felt colossal anxiety: fear of his sickness, his paranoia, his blaming, fear of what might hurt her, and her son more, but mostly because she couldn’t see his eyes. When she realized it in the 6th year, it was quite hard —but it freed her to try and look someone else in the eyes.
Oh, the stories of those who seek love but have none to give.
Like a tree with no leaves, yet they claim they can protect you from the sun.
Oh, the stories of those who will give you the world — but only their world.
It doesn’t take long to realize it’s their life you’re in, not yours or ours!
Oh, the stories of loving someone so much they can’t be without you. Jealously!
You might as well say it now, “I’m worthless.” In the end, that’s how you’ll feel.
So, which story ends with flowers and kisses?
Oh, the stories of real love, love when he looked her in the eyes for hours, just because he could.
Cruel love or truth?
Something as beautiful as love is referred to as stubborn, cruel, painful, ugly, condemning, just to name a few. Can you imagine what love thinks about those names? It thinks you’re right. It knows its arm can break the strongest chain, and strengthen the weakest link— bring down kingdoms, cause hate, grow worlds in a dry desert. With all that in mind, what is love best at? Truth.
Love is meant to be used.
Ever wondered why something so strong, frail, and powerful as love freely abides within us all?
In its frailty, we can crush it, betray it, lie to it, ration it, spend it like a Vegas windfall, and the list goes on and on. Yet we don’t put a dent in it? We can’t kill it, suspend it, capture it, or duplicate it. So, is it frail?
Shouldn’t it be locked up as our most valuable possession? Fort Knox tripped security housing our precious love?
If it were captured for science to unravel every secret it holds, there would be no replacement. So, still, the world would die. That’s science. Take love away from a human being, and he won’t get up. He won’t eat, he won’t kill. It won’t live. But…
Blow into a dandelion pod on a windy day and try with all your might to follow each seed? A camera can, but you can’t, because even a dandelion made with love, was not meant to tracked by the naked eye, or locked up, measured, scaled, calculated, counted, figured, or judged. It was only meant to blow to a new location just like love, and its primary purpose is to grow seeds new each day.
If you like these thoughts, you might like more on Love Quotes.
- Psychology Today, Linda and Charlie Bloom, Love Language Plus